Then There Was You Read online

  “Thanks for walking me back. I’ll see you in the morning.” She turned and walked away. Everything in him ached to run after her and tell her how wrong she was. But instead, he stood there like a statue, watching the clock in the lobby tick off the minutes until he could pull himself together enough to find his own room.

  A few minutes later, his door clicked shut behind him. The alarm clock on a bedside table flashed single digits into the dark room.

  Josh ran his fingers though his hair as he sagged against the wall. Well, he’d certainly done an outstanding job of making a monstrous mess out of that.

  “Don’t try to be quiet for my sake.” Connor’s voice cut through the darkness, followed by a lamp clicking on.

  His brother-in-law propped himself on his elbow in the bed closest to the balcony, his hair messy but his eyes wide awake and alert. “Everything okay?”

  Josh slipped his jacket off and let it land on the end of his bed. Sitting down, he used his toes to wrench his feet from his shoes, not even bothering with laces.

  “She’s fine. Well not fine, but . . .” His words drifted into an abyss.

  Connor sat up. He wore a tattered T-shirt from a tour in 2007. “Don’t feel like you have to tell me anything. As long as you’re both okay, I don’t need to know unless it’s on the list.”

  His brother-in-law was referring to the things they’d asked each other to hold them accountable for.

  “No, nothing there.” The silence stretched for a few seconds. Josh knew if he told Connor he couldn’t talk about it, that would be the end of the matter. But he trusted his brother-in-law. He knew whatever he said would never be repeated. “Paige’s brother died in the earthquake.”

  Connor let out a low whistle. “That’s awful. No wonder she hasn’t been herself.”

  “She’d gone to where he died. His name was Ethan. He was killed by a collapsing building in the Cashel Street Mall.” Tears burned behind his eyes just thinking about the guilt on her face as she surveyed the spot.

  “I remember seeing the pictures. It was like a war zone.”

  Josh opened his mouth to tell Connor that Paige had been here as well. That Ethan had died saving her life, but something held him back, a prodding in his spirit saying it wasn’t his story to tell. Time for a redirect.

  “I was completely useless, man. She was broken and I couldn’t come up with a single thing to say that wasn’t lame.” He stared down at his feet, his big toe poking through his left sock. “She let me off the hook, told me it was fine, that she couldn’t expect uber-Christian Josh Tyler to know what living with regret felt like.”

  He dug his fingers into his hair. She couldn’t be more wrong. If he was Jonah, regret was his whale that had swallowed him whole.

  “You really like her, huh.”

  He looked up to find Connor studying him with intensity. “She’s a great girl, a good friend.”

  “Josh.” Connor’s tone made it clear Josh wasn’t fooling him.

  His hands clenched. “It would never work. We’re too different. My life is her worst nightmare. But this is what I do, Con. This is who I am. I can’t change that. Not even for her.”

  He tried to ignore the fact that right now all he wanted to do was disregard number two on the accountability list, find her room and wrap his arms around her until the sun came up.

  “I’m assuming you haven’t told her about Narelle or Hannah.”

  “I don’t talk to anyone about Narelle and Hannah.” His chest caught just saying Hannah’s name.

  “Then I suspect your big obstacle to something with Paige isn’t your life, it’s that you’ve got the Mount Everest of relationship baggage weighing you down.”

  You probably haven’t done anything worth losing a night’s sleep over since last millennium. Her words wore tracks around his mind and tied up his heart. She had no idea.

  “I’ve gotta tell her, don’t I?” His mind couldn’t even form the words he would have to say to tell of his greatest regret. His biggest mistake.

  “As far as I can see, you two don’t even have a real friendship if you’re happy to leave her thinking you’re some super Man of God. Let alone the chance at something more.” His brother-in-law drilled him with his eyes. “If the only thing stopping you is your pride then, yeah, you’ve gotta tell her.”

  “I leave for the US today. For two weeks.” Two weeks without seeing her every day. He hadn’t thought about it until that moment. Some space was probably a good thing.

  Connor shuffled back down in his bed and switched off the lamp. “Guess you’d better do it soon then.”

  Twenty-Nine

  Paige snuggled down in her hotel bed and flipped open her leather Bible. Numbers. Not the most comforting book. But Numbers was what her reading plan for the day listed, and she refused to cheat and go in search of a Psalm to find a nice verse waiting to soothe her battered soul.

  She wasn’t a cherry picker. If God was going to talk to her through her reading today, then He was big enough to find a way to do it between the lines of men begetting more men and living to be six hundred and fifty-nine.

  Kellie had left five minutes earlier on an early morning run with two of the other girls. Paige had the room to herself for the next hour or so.

  She squinted, trying to focus on the words of Numbers six in front of her. The priest was waving something around as an offering. She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. God, I can’t do this anymore. I really need something today.

  She opened her eyes, and looked back down at the page. Her breath caught as her gaze landed on the next set of verses.

  The Lord bless you and keep you;

  The Lord make His face shine upon you,

  And be gracious to you;

  The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,

  And give you peace.

  She repeated the verses a couple of times, rolling them around in her head.

  Peace. She hadn’t had peace since the day an earthquake ripped apart the very city she was now in. Since the day she’d started living like the best half of her had died with Ethan.

  If there was anything she needed, it was peace. Peace about what she was going to do when her contract was up in six weeks. Peace about moving on. Peace about Josh.

  She’d survived three flights in the last couple of weeks. It hadn’t been pretty, but she’d done it. Her shrink called it post-traumatic stress disorder generalization. She couldn’t live her life terrified a building was going to collapse on top of her, so her brain had transferred that fear to a different trigger: flying. The first time she’d had a severe panic attack was when she saw Ethan’s coffin being loaded onto the plane to be flown home.

  She didn’t want to live afraid anymore. She wanted to be the girl she used to be, the one who loved new places and new experiences. But it would take being sedated with divine peace before flying would be drama free again.

  A knock at the door jolted her from her thoughts. This would be the third time Kellie had forgotten her room key when she’d gone for a run. Paige flipped her flannel pajama-clad legs out of bed, and padded across the soft carpet to the door.

  Thank goodness they’d only ended up being roommates in Christchurch. Sharing quarters with the girl who was a superior match for the guy you had an inconvenient crush on was the definition of uncomfortable. At least Kellie had been asleep when Paige had crept in, saving them both from an awkward conversation.

  “Really Kel, ag—” The words curled up and shriveled in her throat as the door swung open and it wasn’t a petite brunette.

  “Hi.” Josh wore jeans, a black leather jacket, and a gray sweater that highlighted his eyes.

  Paige modeled a matched set of flannel pajamas. With green turtles. Oh dear—her arms flew to cross her chest. At least she wasn’t well endowed.

  Josh looked down and shuffled his feet. Too late, she realized she hadn’t even responded to his greeting.

  He looked back up again, capturing her gaze with his.
“You said some things last night.”

  She’d said a lot of things last night. In most instances, she wasn’t even sure which were in her head and which were out loud, what he knew and what he didn’t. “Can you be a bit more specific?”

  “About me having no idea what real regret feels like.”

  “Oh.” Where was this going? Why was he here? And why for the love of all that was good, why hadn’t she at least managed to run a comb through her hair this morning?

  “I was hoping we could go somewhere and talk. There’s something I need to tell you.”

  Now? They were about to have the awkward conversation where he told her that they could never be anything more than friends.

  “Can I have a few minutes to get changed?”

  If she was going to get dumped by a guy she wasn’t even dating, the least he could do was grant her the chance to be wearing something besides turtle pajamas when it happened.

  His eyes widened, as if it was news to him that she wasn’t dressed. “Of course, sure. I’ll meet you in the lobby whenever you’re ready.”

  He tripped over the words, which made her feel a little better. “See you soon.”

  Paige let him stew for a good half hour, since that was how long it took to take a shower, dry her hair, do her makeup, and pick out an outfit that looked good but not like she was trying.

  She recited the verses back to herself as she waited for the elevator and donned her mental armor. She had never done or said anything that explicitly suggested she might be tempted to something more than friendship.

  Plausible deniability. That was what she had. Whatever he thought he’d seen or heard, he’d misinterpreted her. They could laugh about it. She could even tease him about being big headed and thinking every girl in Christendom was after him, and things could go back to how they were.

  Better, even. Her part in organizing the tour was over. He was off to the States and she was heading back to Grace. They would have no reason to cross paths except for the occasional professional conversation.

  He was all wrong for her and the physical attraction was inconvenient. That was all. She was not going to make the same mistake again. Stable. Secure. An ordinary nice guy. That was what she needed. Not some jet-setting superstar who gave her palpitations. Even if their time together on the road and seeing firsthand the way he cared for his team and put everyone else first had only added to the attraction.

  She stepped into the lobby and squared her shoulders.

  Josh was waiting by the front door. He smiled and lifted a hand when he saw her.

  “All good?” he asked as she approached.

  Paige conjured up what she hoped was a cool smile. “All good.”

  “Our taxi is just outside.”

  A taxi? Where were they going? Her questions obviously wrote themselves across her face.

  “You’ll see.” He placed his hand in the small of her back and nudged her through the sliding doors.

  He ushered her into the cab, then got in the other side. The car pulled away from the curb, the driver obviously apprised of their destination.

  She glanced over at Josh. He bit his bottom lip, looking more stressed than she would have expected.

  “Do you trust me?”

  She wasn’t good with trust. “Is that a trick question?”

  He smiled. “It’s only about fifteen minutes away.”

  The cab driver was strangely silent. She was used to drivers in New Zealand who chatted away like they were charging by the word.

  She turned toward the window, watching as they left the central city and moved through suburbs and headed back in the direction of the airport. Every now and then, there was a sign of earthquake damage, but clearly this section of the city hadn’t been hit as hard as others.

  Eventually the cab slowed, then turned into a driveway.

  She recoiled as she saw the sign and turned toward Josh.

  Her mouth opened but no words came out.

  He stared at her, his eyes pleading for her to trust him. “I know.” His voice was a whisper. “Just give it a few minutes. If you hate it, we can leave.”

  This had better be good. She didn’t even bother to wait for him, just threw open the car door and stalked up to the entrance. She couldn’t wait to hear why he would think a cemetery was a good place to take her.

  Josh’s palms slipped on the door handle as he closed it. How had he ever thought this was a good idea?

  Background noise suddenly registered as the taxi driver talking.

  “Sorry, what was that?”

  “Did you lose someone?”

  “She lost her brother.”

  Compassion etched on the driver’s face. “Want me to wait for you?”

  Josh looked at Paige’s ramrod back as she stalked away.

  “I have no idea how long we’re going to be.” Probably about three minutes. That should be enough time for her call him every variation of presumptuous and insensitive, and demand to leave.

  The driver shrugged. “It’s slow this time of the morning. Doubt I’ll get called away.”

  “That would be great, thanks.” Depending on how long this took he might need to go straight to the airport. Connor had agreed to bring his bag if he didn’t make it back to the hotel in time.

  Josh leaned down to the passenger floorboard and picked up the bunch of flowers the hotel concierge had somehow conjured for him.

  His feet crunched on loose gravel as he walked toward Paige. She stood, arms crossed, her face set in an emotionless mask. She didn’t utter a word as he ushered her up the path toward their destination.

  There was still a chill in the air, despite the morning sun. Josh looked around him. If it wasn’t for the gravestones on their right, it would have been easy to mistake the manicured gardens echoing with the sounds of native wildlife for a park.

  Within a few minutes, they’d reached the entrance to their destination. The cement path was flanked with two pillars. 22 February 2011 was engraved on a plaque on the left pillar.

  Paige slowed, then stopped, her arms wrapped around herself. She looked to the left and the right, taking in the hedge and flowers that formed an outer circle, framing the memorial.

  “This is—”

  “The Avonhead Memorial and the place where they buried the unidentified victims.” She cut him off with a whisper. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. “Mom and Dad and Sophie came here for the first anniversary. They told me about this. Ethan has a plaque somewhere.”

  He stayed back as she walked up the path toward the square stone monument sitting in the center of the garden, a second hedge running around it to create an inner circle dedicated to the four victims whose remains were never found.

  Three small steps lead up to the monument. Paige climbed them slowly, pausing on every one. Even years later, multiple bouquets of fresh flowers sat at the monument’s base.

  He couldn’t see the plaque on the stone pillar from where he stood, but his overnight research had enshrined it in his mind. He repeated it to himself as Paige stopped and ran her fingers over the words. Etched in our City’s memory, never to be forgotten. The City of Christchurch.

  Paige brought her fingers to her lips, then pressed them against the metal. After a few seconds, she stood and backed away from the monument, only turning when she was beyond the inner circle. She stepped across the dew-drenched grass, and walked around the slabs of stone that enclosed the inner circle and held memorial plaques to victims, stopping at each one for a few seconds.

  She eventually came to one that caused her to drop to her knees and run a hand over the plaque, pressing a kiss onto its surface. Her lips moved but he couldn’t hear what she said as she wiped away tears.

  For about fifteen minutes, she just sat, silent and peaceful. Covering the distance between them, he rested fingertips on her shoulder and handed her the bunch of pastel flowers when she looked up.

  Smiling through her mascara-streaked face, she curled her delic
ate fingers around the stems and brought them to her nose, inhaling the fragrance. She plucked a stem out and then placed the bouquet on the grass below her brother’s memorial. In memory of Ethan Roger McAllister 1980-2011.Beloved son, brother, and friend. The adventure continues.

  “Thank you.”

  They were the first words she’d spoken in the more than thirty minutes since they’d arrived. Josh’s whole body sagged with relief.

  She held up the remaining flower in her hand. “Just going to place this at the main memorial.”

  She rose to her feet, stepped back across the path and returned to the pillar, pausing a few seconds in front of it before resting the flower on top of the other bouquets.

  Staying back, Josh settled himself on one of the wooden benches that surrounded the memorial.

  Closing his eyes, he prayed Paige would find some kind of comfort.

  The balance of the bench shifted underneath him and he looked over into brown eyes flecked with gold.

  Her lips curved upwards, full, rosy—Get a grip, Tyler! This was not the time.

  “This was just what I needed. Thank you.” Paige turned her face forward. “It gives you perspective, you know. I’ve often thought about the families who weren’t left with anything of their loved ones.” Her fingers danced across the wooden bench slats between them. “We got Ethan back. Whole. Recognizable. So many families didn’t get that.” She said the last sentence softly, as if more to herself.

  “What was Ethan like?”

  Paige closed her eyes for a second, as if conjuring him up in her mind. “He was an adventurer. His whole life all he’d wanted to do was travel the world. Meet people, experience different cultures. Before New Zealand he’d lived in England and Brazil. He only worked anywhere long enough to save up enough money to go on the next trip. He had a degree in aeronautical engineering. My dad joked he wanted a refund on the tuition fees he’d spent for Ethan to be the world’s most overqualified bartender. He had the kind of infectious uncontained laugh where when he laughed you couldn’t help laughing too. Even if you didn’t know what was so funny. You would have liked him.”