Then There Was You Read online

  “Of course. Always.” He stood, waiting for her to start.

  She looked around, then pointed at the door to the nearby mother’s room. “Let’s go in there.”

  Odd. But before he could process any further, she’d opened the door and was flicking on the lights.

  Letting the door slide shut behind him, he stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by couches, changing tables, and baby supplies.

  In front of him, Kellie paced out small circles. Her boots left small indents in the plush carpet as she walked, her long shirt making a swooshing sound. Was she sick? She’d had a few days off with the flu last week. Was it something more than that? Something worse? “You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

  She stopped, then walked until she stood a couple of feet away from him. Her head just came to his shoulders so she had to look up. She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again.

  His hands settled on her shoulders. “What is it, Kel? Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

  She took a deep breath. “We’ve been friends for a long time, Josh.”

  He nodded. “Yes.”

  “And I feel like I know you well and you know me too.”

  “That would be accurate.”

  “And we make a good team.”

  “We do.”

  He was being led somewhere, but didn’t know where. Paige’s voice suddenly hit replay in his mind. The girl who is perfect for your life, who loves you and only wants what’s best for you? Who is always watching out for you? She’s been here this whole time.

  He’d thought about her words a couple of times but shoved them into the back of his mind.

  His insides seared like the time he’d mistaken a jalapeño for a pickle. Kellie wasn’t going to ask him out, was she? She was pacing, clearly nervous, having trouble making eye contact.

  She was everything he wanted in a wife. So what if she didn’t send his pulse racing? Or turn him into an emotional pretzel, the way Paige did? There were more important things. Like compatibility. Shared goals. The same values.

  Maybe God just wanted him to take a step of faith and it would all just fall into place and be right. He opened his mouth to say yes. Or why not? Let’s give it a shot. See what happens. Not exactly the most romantic way to start a relationship, but great partnerships had been born from less. What harm could one dinner do?

  No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t get the words out. They barricaded themselves in his throat and refused to move. Until two busted their way through. “I can’t.” They croaked out.

  They were the right words. Regardless of anything else, it wouldn’t be fair to even be thinking about anything with Kellie when there was a feisty blonde American whose voice he couldn’t hear without his heart feeling like it had cracked wide open.

  “Kel, I think you’re an amazing woman. I know you’re going to make some guy really lucky, but I don’t think that guy is me.” His fumbled words hit the room with all the grace of a dancing rhino.

  She’d stopped pacing and was frowning at him. “What on earth are you talking about?”

  The way she was looking at him made him feel like he’d taken a wrong turn without knowing it. “Um. You. Me. Us”

  Her eyebrows skyrocketed. “Us? What us?”

  He swallowed. “I’d heard you . . .”

  She held her hand up. “Okay, let me stop you there before this gets excruciatingly awkward for both of us. I’m seeing someone.”

  “You are?” The surprise pitched his voice a little high, making him sound like a pubescent boy. He coughed, “I mean. That’s great. Good for you.”

  Well, didn’t he feel like a complete idiot.

  Her face softened. “Look, I’m not going to pretend that there wasn’t a time where if you had asked me out I wouldn’t have said yes. But when we were in Christchurch and I saw the way you looked at Paige I knew it was never going to happen.”

  He stared at her. Had it been that obvious?

  She took a step closer. “Do you want to tell me what happened? As a friend? Why aren’t the two of you dating? Paige told me on the flight home you were talking about it.”

  Josh cleared his throat. “Honestly, not really.” What was the point? He’d made his decision. Rehashing it didn’t change anything.

  He scrambled to change the topic. Recover some dignity. “So, what was it you wanted to talk about?”

  Kellie leaned against the arm of one of the couches, crossed one ankle over the other. “Oh, yeah. You need to restructure the band. It’s too much for you. You need a couple of 2ICs, and I think I should be one of them.”

  It was a good idea and she would be one of the most obvious contenders. “You’re right. I have been thinking about a new structure. I’ll be talking to the board about it in the next few months.”

  “Good. One more thing.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t ever assume a girl is asking you out ever again. It makes you look like an absolute plonker.”

  “Yeah, I’m really sorry about that.”

  She grinned up at him. “You know what?”

  “What?”

  “Say it with a promotion and a raise.”

  What a day. Josh grabbed his bag from the passenger seat as he got out of his car. He’d made an absolute idiot of himself. Proving, once again, that his instincts when it came to women were complete and utter rubbish.

  He should take a vow of celibacy and be done with it.

  And that suited him fine, given that every time he was allowed near a woman, he made a monumental mess of everything.

  He dropped his bag at the bottom of the stairs, and wandered into the kitchen in search of comfort food. This was the kind of moment he imagined a drinking guy would crack open a beer. Or something stronger.

  But he didn’t and so he would settle for . . .His eyes scanned the refrigerator shelves. Leftover pasta. That’d do. Into the microwave.

  He popped a can of Pepsi open and leaned back against the bench, gulping down half the soft drink while waiting for his pasta to warm up.

  The microwave dinged. He extracted the bowl, picked up his can, and headed for the family room. Sport. He needed to lose himself in some sport and not surface for a good few hours.

  He didn’t know where anyone was, but the resounding silence indicated he had the house to himself. He rounded the corner and slammed to a stop.

  Every single adult member of his family sat in the family room, looking at him. Dad, Mum, Connor, Amanda, Sarah. Creepy.

  His eyes scanned the room. What was going on? None of the women were crying, so obviously no one had died.

  “Hi.” Silence greeted him. “What’s up?”

  “Come, sit.” His father gestured to the lone remaining chair. “We want to talk to you.”

  Josh looked around the room. “What is this? Some kind of intervention?” He meant it as a joke, but no one even cracked a flicker of a smile.

  He placed his pasta on the coffee table, holding on to his can as he perched on the edge of the recliner. This was worse than the time he’d been called into the principal’s office.

  “What’s up?” His stomach was doing a routine from Dancing with the Stars. It had been a long time since they’d had this type of family conference.

  His father leaned forward. “We’re worried about you.”

  “About me? Why?”

  His mother clasped his father’s hand and spoke. “Because you haven’t been yourself for the last month. You’ve been withdrawn, reserved, brooding. You’ve lost your joy when you lead worship.”

  “Kellie’s seeing someone.” The words burst out of him. They were met by a collective whoosh around the room.

  He scanned their faces, waiting to see the disappointment on them. Amanda, thoughtful. Connor, pensive. Both his parents looked confused. Sarah—for some reason she looked annoyed.

  “I feel like I’ve missed something. What does Kellie have to do with anything?” His father leaned back in his seat. />
  “She’s the kind of girl I should date.”

  “Says who?” His dad was using the inquiring pastor look Josh hated.

  “C’mon. You all think that I should. Why wouldn’t you? She’s godly and talented, in the band, and knows our family, and gets what it would take to be a Tyler. No one would have to worry about someone like her ever doing anything that would cause drama.”

  Sarah was taking him down with the evil eye.

  “Spit it out, little sis.”

  “You are such an idiot.” Sarah ground the words out through her clenched jaw.

  “What’s so stupid about me wanting to marry someone who’s a good fit for our family, our life?”

  Sarah groaned. “Seriously? Even if she wasn’t seeing someone, you don’t even like her.”

  “What would you know about who I like?”

  “YOU LIKE PAIGE!” He almost dropped his drink as every single member of his family yelled at him.

  Sarah was perched at the edge of her seat, looking like she wanted to take a swing at him. His mother had her hands up in the air, like she was about to tear her hair out. Connor looked like he wanted to take him outside and fight it out. Even his normally unruffled older sister was giving him a scathing look.

  The only person who wasn’t worked up was his father, who had leaned back and seemed to be immensely enjoying the show.

  “It doesn’t matter how I feel about Paige. She’s not right.”

  “Why not?” This from his mother.

  “Well . . .” All the compelling reasons he’d constructed in his head suddenly didn’t seem so bulletproof. “She hates flying. I can’t be with someone who can’t travel.”

  “Actually, I heard she did better on the flight back from Christchurch.” Connor stretched his legs out in front of him.

  “She hates megachurches.”

  “Can’t blame her. Most of the time I’d much prefer to be pastoring a nice, medium-sized church.” His father stretched out his legs as if he was talking about nothing more controversial than favorite pancake toppings.

  “Have you even asked her why?” His mother again.

  His stomach twisted even tighter. “No.”

  His mother muttered something under her breath that he couldn’t entirely decipher, but what he could make out involved her casting aspersions on her own parenting.

  “She brought the tax office down on our head, your heads.” He pointed at his parents.

  “So have both of us. Actually.” Mum turned to Dad. “I was trying to remember how you did it, hon. What was it again?”

  “Actually, I’ve done it twice. First time I made a joke about flying around in a private jet.” He frowned. “Can’t even remember what the second one was for.”

  “So your father and I have three between us. Would you like to evict us from the family?”

  “I have a big calling on my life. I just don’t think she’s the right girl for it.” Now he was getting terse back.

  Sarah was almost apoplectic, her face turning fuchsia. “Dude, would you listen to yourself? What have you been doing? Snorting your own press pack?”

  She was right. He sounded sanctimonious and more than a little arrogant. He didn’t mean it like that. Right now, he wasn’t entirely sure what he’d meant.

  “Son, none of us can live this life in our own strength. You’re right. It’s not easy, and it’s public, and a lot of responsibility rests on our shoulders. The only way any of us can do this is in God’s strength. That’s it. The moment we start relying on ourselves, we need to get out, because it will end badly. And I hate to break it to you, but we don’t need you to watch over us. That’s God’s job.”

  Ouch. “I’m like the last guy on the planet she’d want to be with.”

  “That’s why she’s perfect for you! Because she likes you despite all that stuff. She doesn’t like you because you’re Josh Tyler, worship leader extraordinaire, or any of the stupid hyped-up PR. She doesn’t drink from the Tyler groupie Kool Aid. She hates all that stuff, and still she likes you. Well, she did. Until you screwed it up.”

  Thank you, Sarah.

  “Can you at least admit you like her?” Connor ventured the question.

  “I’m crazy about her.” Josh ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m flat-out nuts about her. Every second of every day, I wish things could be different.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “The last girl I was this crazy about was Narelle.”

  The room stilled at the name that came with so much baggage.

  “See? We all know how I messed that up. I don’t trust myself not to do it again.”

  “You were twenty-four. You thought you were invincible. You made some dumb decisions, didn’t set the right boundaries. It’s all true. But you aren’t that person anymore.”

  “After everything with Narelle, I don’t deserve someone who makes me feel like Paige does.”

  There it was. Out.

  His father sighed. “Josh, I fly loops around the world teaching about grace. But clearly I’ve failed if my own son doesn’t get it.” He waved his hands around. “None of us deserve any of this. What we deserve is eternal separation from God. What we got is reconciliation, redemption. If you don’t get that, maybe you need to think about what you’re doing on stage, leading people in worship.”

  “If you don’t want to do this, then don’t. The band will continue. We’re not short of musicians.” Connor spoke up.

  Not do this? He loved what he did. Didn’t ever want to do anything else.

  His father leaned forward. “If you want to go be a plumber, or a mechanic, or an accountant, go forth. This isn’t the family business. We’re not doing this to build some sort of Tyler family empire. We’re building the Church.”

  His father’s words cut him deep in his spirit. He was a hypocrite. The worst kind. The kind that got up in front of thousands of people and sang the words, but didn’t believe them, live them. Not for himself, anyway.

  “What if it’s too late?”

  “What if it’s not?” Sarah asked.

  “What if she’s moved on?”

  “What if she hasn’t?”

  “What if she’s with the American guy?”

  “She’s not.” His mother butted in.

  “She’s not?” His heart started tap dancing.

  She shook her head. “Definitely not.”

  “What if we all get raptured tomorrow? Or a giant comet falls from the sky and lands on our house and we all burn up in a fiery blaze of glory?” Sarah was on her feet. “Seriously, what are you still doing here?”

  His father motioned to his sister to calm down. “Buddy, you need to go settle some stuff with God before you do anything else. But make it quick, because from what I hear, Paige is getting on a plane as soon as Grace is over. Only you know the right thing to do, but don’t you dare go making yourself some kind of martyr for our sakes.”

  Thirty-Seven

  It was four-thirty in the morning. Paige stood and spun a three sixty-degree turn in her sneakers. The arena sparkled, lights twinkling like stars dotting the ceiling. At the front, huge swaths of shimmery organza dropped down, interspersed with strings of fairy lights. Glory in the Highest hung in huge silver cursive lettering across the back of the stage.

  On every one of the ten thousand seats sat a Grace gift bag, placed by a team of volunteers who had worked until after midnight.

  Huge screens hung on either side of the stage, with another hanging from the middle of the ceiling for the women in the upper tiers.

  Through the open doors, she caught glimpses of informal seating areas designed to match the soft pastel hues in the main auditorium. Merchandise areas were accessible but discreet so attendees didn’t feel like they were having product shoved in their faces. It looked . . . incredible.

  But it was more than just the design. There was a calm, hovering presence that filled her senses, giving her confidence that all the hours of prayer were about
to come to fruition, that God would use these two days to change peoples’ lives.

  In four hours, thousands of women would be streaming through the doors, seeing what she saw right now for the first time, feeling what she felt.

  “What do you think?” Carrie, the head designer, had crept up beside her, clad in a similar outfit as Paige—sneakers, athletic pants, and an old T-shirt. Her hair was half in, half out of her ponytail, showing the effects of hours up and down ladders, driving the team nuts with her insistence on things being just so. It had all been worth it.

  “It’s . . .” Paige had to pause for a second to gather herself. “Amazing. I can’t believe we made it.”

  “I know.” Carrie offered a watery smile. “I’ve been doing this for years, but it still gets me every time.”

  Paige was wearing old clothes. Her hair was in two braids over her shoulders, wavy wisps escaping all over the place.

  Josh stood in the wings of the stage and watched as Paige directed people, calm, smiling, arms full with a clipboard and a huge stack of precariously balanced papers. Pausing for a second, she attempted to blow some hair out of her face, laughing as it fell back down into her eyes.

  He loved this girl. The truth hit him square in the chest with a fierceness that almost knocked him over. He’d spent the last two days wrestling with God, with his past, with his own fears and doubts and insecurities. Not wanting to do anything, take a single step, until he was sure.

  He hadn’t seen her until this moment. She’d been carried away by the rolling tsunami of getting Grace set up in the twenty-four hours from when they took possession of the arena to when the doors opened this morning. His mother had crept into the house after two this morning, dusty and disheveled like she’d been personally crawling up in the rafters hanging banners. If he had to hazard a guess, he’d say Paige hadn’t slept at all.

  He’d pulled into last-minute rehearsals to find musicians having creative meltdowns, and trying to navigate his relationship with Kellie. Not that she had been anything short of professional, but there had been an undercurrent that had left him unbalanced, uncertain of everything he did or said around her.