Then There Was You Read online

  She rubbed her left arm, her fingers running along the familiar line of the scar that ran from wrist to elbow. The bones ached, signaling an upcoming change in the weather. A constant reminder of all she had lost.

  “C’mon, baby. It’s not like that. I love you. You know that. You’re the only girl for me.” He took one tentative step toward her, then another.

  Paige flinched at the too-familiar words. She took a step back, then more, until the cool railing pressed against her back. The same platitudes he rolled out so convincingly every time she dared press him for more than two separate lives lived thousands of miles apart.

  “Do you? Want to marry me. Ever?” She didn’t even know why she asked the question. Right now, she’d sooner hurl him off the balcony than pledge herself to him for better or worse.

  He swallowed and searched her face. “Of course. One day. I just need more time.”

  She pushed herself away from the railing. “Are you sure he’s worth waiting for, Ping?” Her brother’s words echoed through her head. One of the few times he had ever questioned her decision.

  She should have listened to Ethan, to everyone. To the disquiet on her parents’ faces when yet another Christmas or birthday rolled around and he had another excuse not to be there. But no. Instead she allowed him to convince her that their relationship was special. Huh. The only thing special about it was that she was an especially good doormat.

  Sure, there were his good looks and the undeniable chemistry they had when they were together—when being the key word.

  It wasn’t enough. She stared at him, standing only a body length away, and knew. She couldn’t live anymore stuck in perpetual relationship limbo. She needed to end this tonight. While she had the courage and before he got back on his plane to London.

  Tell him. Say it. She stepped back again, gripping the railing behind her. “Alex, I don’t have any more time to give. It’s been six years. If you don’t want to marry me now, you’re never going to.” Her foot stilled as a wave of calm enveloped her.

  Alex tugged at his cream cuffs, then further loosened his tie. “C’mon, baby. You don’t mean that. I know it’s not easy seeing Soph get married, but we’re not them. We’re different. We’re special. Let’s not ruin our last night together fighting. Let’s go back inside, have fun, dance. I’ll be back in July. We can talk then.”

  “We could, but we won’t.”

  A sneer curled Alex’s lip. “Oh, I get it.”

  “Get what?”

  “Old puppy dog eyes in there has finally convinced you to give him a chance.”

  “Grow up, Alex. You know Nate and I are just friends. Stop trying to change the subject.” No one else deserved to be dragged into this putrid conversation, let alone the one guy who had been nothing but good to her.

  “Then let’s both just take some time, talk this through in July. Tell you what, why don’t I put some feelers out? See if there’s space coming up in a US office.”

  She almost laughed. How many times had he said those exact words when he sensed she was losing patience? She was tired of fighting. Exhausted from promises never kept. Of being made to feel like she was expecting too much. It was way past time for this to be over.

  “Paige?” He snapped his fingers in the air.

  She narrowed her eyes. Had he seriously snapped at her? “What?”

  “Why can’t we talk about this in July?”

  “Because I won’t be here.” The words dropped out of her mouth before she’d even processed what she was going to say.

  What was that? The flash of surprise on his face was no doubt matched by an identical one on hers.

  “What do you mean?” Disbelief flickered across his features.

  “I’m moving, Alex.” Her mouth had bypassed her brain. Again. She was moving? Where?

  “What? Where?” His tone was half incredulous, half suspicious.

  “To . . . Sydney.”

  Sydney? Sure, Kat had been trying to convince her to get a work and holiday visa and spend a year on the other side of the planet, but as a joke!

  He looked at her like she’d just said she was taking a spot on the next space shuttle. Then he let out a mocking laugh. “You realize that’s in Australia, right? Which would require you getting on a p-l-a-n-e.”

  Like he was telling her anything she didn’t already know. “I know where it is.” She refused to even let herself think about the word he had just spelled out. “Kat loves it there. She already has a job lined up for me.” That would be news to Kat. She hoped her cousin’s comment that there were more jobs than water in Australia was accurate.

  “No you’re not.” He said it decisively, as if he had inside knowledge. He tugged at his lapels then his cuffs again. “Good try, babe. You almost had me for a second, but c’mon. Your friends are here, your family, your job. We both know it’s never going to happen.”

  He’d called her bluff. She had no plans to move. She was just having a temporary meltdown. His patronizing tone infuriated her. “Watch me.”

  For the first time in the conversation she saw a shadow of uncertainty cross his face.

  “Paige!” Her sister’s silhouette appeared in the doorway. “It’s almost time for the first dance.”

  They didn’t even turn, their eyes locked on each other. Neither willing, able, to give the other what they wanted.

  “Is everything okay?” Sophie walked across the terrace, the cheesy lyrics of the latest hit love song following on her heels. She halted just before she reached them. “Um, do you need a minute?”

  Paige glanced at her. She was so young yet so grown-up in her princess wedding dress. “Everything’s fine. Sorry, Soph.” She turned back, her eyes meeting Alex’s with finality. “We’re finished.”

  She reached out for her sister’s hand and walked toward the dance floor, where a teenage groomsman waited to mangle her feet.

  Dear Lord. What had she just done?

  Two

  Three months later

  Paige stared at the two boarding passes in her palm. O’Hare to LAX followed by flight QF12 direct to Sydney. She was actually doing this.

  She, Paige Noreen McAllister, usually as impulsive as the average sloth, was moving to Australia.

  For six years she’d existed, living in the shadows. Believing she didn’t deserve better. Until she’d walked away from Alex and realized she couldn’t live that life anymore.

  All that remained was getting out of the bathroom, through security and onto the plane.

  She sucked in a deep breath. She could leave the bathroom. That was a step forward, right?

  “Are you okay, honey?” An African-American woman asked the question as she discarded her paper towel into the trash.

  “Fine, thank you.” Paige summoned up a tremulous smile as she shoved her boarding passes back into her purse and gathered up her carry-on. Her shoes echoed against the tiled floor as she navigated down the short hallway and back out into the noisy bustling departure terminal.

  Making her way to the nearest set of screens, she triple-checked the gate number for her flight.

  “Paige.” The familiar voice bearing her name came from just behind her.

  Oh, no. Please no. She cast a longing glance at the nearby doors, proclaiming “passengers only past this point.” If only she’d waited until she was through security to find a bathroom.

  She turned, searching for the face she knew she would find. “Nate.”

  “Hey.” Her friend stopped in front of her.

  “What are you doing here?” She ground the toe of her boot into the floor. She’d already navigated the emotional farewells last night. Which was why she’d decided to not tell anyone when her flight was cancelled. Nate, here, alone, was what she’d been trying to avoid.

  “I was checking online and saw your flight got cancelled. Is everything okay?” His worried blue eyes stared into hers.

  “Fine. My new flight leaves in a couple of hours and they got me on another one to Syd
ney so . . .” Paige trailed off, unsure of what to say next. She didn’t want to ask what he was doing here. She knew the answer, and it wasn’t one she wanted to hear.

  The tightening in her temples signaled the impending arrival of a tension headache. The problem with a romantic declaration of love at an airport was that they were only romantic if the feelings went both ways.

  She shifted on her feet then propped her violin case against the handle of her carry-on suitcase to give her a second to regroup. What now? Everyone thought she was oblivious to how Nate felt. At first, she was. By the time she’d realized that his feelings were more than platonic, it had seemed better to pretend she didn’t know. Not to rock the boat.

  Which had been the story of her life since Ethan died. The result? Over six years with a guy who never had to commit, a boss who never gave her the promotion she deserved, and allowing the shame of survival to turn her into a person that she no longer recognized and—if she was honest—didn’t like a whole lot.

  “Paige, there’s something I have to say.” Nate stepped closer, then reached out and took her hand.

  She took a step back, only for something solid to slam straight into her shoulder and pitch her forward into Nate’s arms.

  “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” A tall guy in a blue hoodie ran his hand through tousled dark hair, brow crinkled with concern.

  “Fine. Totally my fault.” She disentangled herself from Nate’s hold.

  “No, it was mine. I was distracted.” The guy had an accent that definitely wasn’t American and nice grey eyes. He looked between the two of them, as if knowing he’d interrupted something. “Sorry about that, mate.” With one last apologetic look he turned and merged back into the crowd.

  Paige looked down to where Nate had grabbed her hand again, her stomach clenched. “I should get going too.” She squeezed his hand, then attempted to untangle her fingers from his, but he held on tight. Oh, dear.

  He took a deep breath, blue eyes smoldering, grasp now sweaty. Ugh. “Paige, I . . .”

  She had to stop him. Stop him from saying the words he’d never be able to take back. They would ruin everything. It wasn’t like she didn’t love him. She did. Just not like that. “Nate, I know.” She looked into his eyes, willing him to understand what she meant. God, please let him get it.

  He searched her eyes, his brow furrowed.

  “Nate.” She squeezed his hand again. “You’re an amazing friend. After Ethan died, I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there. I’m going to miss you so much. But I . . . I need to go. I need to work some things out for myself, and I can’t do it here.”

  She saw the flash in his eyes. He got it. He sighed and mustered up a smile. “Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  No, she couldn’t. She blinked back tears. She was going to miss him. But he was an amazing guy and deserved so much better than damaged goods. Maybe, with her out of the way, he might be able to find it.

  “Hey. You’re off on a big adventure. I’m so proud of you for doing this. Ethan would be too.” Nate pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.

  The familiar scent of Hugo Boss enveloped her, his secure embrace easing her fears. Was she making a huge mistake? Was she going to find herself on the other side of the planet only to realize what she had been looking for was right in front of her? “Thank you.”

  He stepped back slowly and gave her hand a final squeeze. “Go, kiddo. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll come back to us.”

  His final words sucked the breath out of her. They’d been spoken before. By her mother. Standing in this very airport. Two weeks later, she’d come back broken beyond repair, and her brother had come back in a coffin.

  Three

  “Ladies and gentlemen. The plane is now ready to board. Priority passengers are welcome to board now or at your leisure.”

  Josh Tyler took once last gulp of his lukewarm black coffee and shut his laptop. Not that there’d been any point opening it. Six weeks of bouncing around the US had caught up with him. He was so tired the screen was little more than a blur. Every movement was like fighting quicksand, his fast reflexes a distant memory.

  He hoped he hadn’t ruined that proposal in the terminal when he’d mowed over the blonde girl. He wasn’t lying when he said he’d been distracted. He had been—by the look of adoration on the guy’s face and the feeling he was about to drop down on one knee.

  Then the woman had stepped back at the same time he’d swerved to miss an abandoned luggage cart, and. . .well, he hoped one day they’d be able to look back and laugh at the stupid foreigner who almost kiboshed their big moment.

  Which reminded him, he needed to stop into David Jones when he got back to Sydney and replenish his wedding gift stash. James and Evelyn’s was this weekend. And he’d missed three others while he was away.

  Shoving his laptop back into his carry-on, he stood. At least this time he was just a groomsman, not best man, so he didn’t have to worry about a speech. Instead, he’d spend his energies trying to avoid slow dancing with any single girls and giving them the mistaken impression he was interested in something more. He’d had his chance at love and ruined it. Didn’t deserve another. It was better, safer, that he lived the life of a nomad. Always soon to be on a plane to somewhere else, usually never to return to where he’d just been.

  He grabbed his bags, tried to shake off the cloud hanging over him and headed toward the lounge exit. Home. He needed to be home. A few days of chilling out with the guys would get him back into sorts.

  “Pastor Tyler?” The lounge attendant’s interruption was so timid he almost missed it.

  Mr. Tyler. Josh. He battled the instinct to correct her. Pastor Tyler was his father. If there was one thing he never wanted to be, it was a pastor. “Yes?”

  “I hate to bother you but, well, my daughter is a big fan . . .” Her voice trailed off as she held out a copy of Due North’s latest album.

  “Sure. Of course.” He reached into his pocket for his ever-faithful companion, the black marker. It had been a long time since he’d signed a CD. The iPod generation preferred glossy photos and T-shirts. “What’s your daughter’s name?” He peeked at her nametag. “Christine.”

  “Zoe. No y.”

  He pulled the lid off the marker with his mouth and quickly scrawled, To Zoe. Enjoy. And keep on going for God! Josh Tyler. He winced at the cliché. It was his default when he was too tired, too busy, or too over-it to think of anything original. So-called talented songwriter he may be, but gifted autograph crafter he was not.

  “There you go.” He returned it with a smile. Always with a smile. It was the one thing his mother had drilled into his family. They had plenty of people wanting to take a swipe at them. Appearing arrogant or disinterested in public was a luxury they couldn’t afford.

  “Thank you so much. I can’t begin to tell you how much this will mean to her.” Her face flushed with gratitude, the CD case clutched to her chest.

  His stiff smile relaxed into a genuine one. This was what it was about—real people who got up before dawn to go to work, trying to give their kids a better life than they’d had.

  He grabbed his bag and got moving before melancholy could overtake him. A wife. Kids. He didn’t deserve any of it. It was better to just not wish for things he’d proven himself unworthy of.

  16E. Never did Paige think she’d be grateful for a middle seat but she was. If she was lucky, maybe she’d land a fellow flyer with bad body odor or an iPhone full of photos of grandchildren. She’d take anything that might serve as a distraction.

  Her gate was just ahead. She passed a custodian buffing the floors, the loud hum of his machine filling her ears. The lights were bright, too bright for so early in the morning. She squinted against the glare, focused on getting to her destination.

  The queue at her gate was short. Only one woman checking boarding passes. FINAL CALL flashed on the screen above. Paige had spent the last hour loitering in the
magazine aisle of the bookshop, waiting until the last possible minute to come to the departure lounge. Now she was here she needed to get on board before her brain caught up with what her body was doing and she lost her nerve.

  Smack. She hit something immovable. All she could see was a haze of navy.

  She bounced back and stumbled, her hands so full of her carry-on that she couldn’t even put her arms out when she started to fall.

  “Careful.” Fingers wrapped around her elbows while forearms locked under hers, holding her upright until she recovered her footing.

  How humiliating. “Thanks.” Paige looked up, straight into amused gray eyes. A day or two worth of stubble covered the guy’s lower face and his brown hair stuck up like he had stumbled straight from bed to the airport without looking in a mirror. Zing. The current traveled up her arms, down her body to her feet, and she stumbled again.

  “Whoa.” His fingers gripped around her elbows even tighter.

  “Sorry.” Her cheeks were aflame.

  “It’s okay.” He loosened his hold on her, as if checking that she could remain upright without his help.

  “I’m fine. Really.” Paige looked at him, defensive for no rational reason. He looked familiar but she couldn’t place him.

  “Okay.” He stood there, just looking at her.

  “What?” The word came out harsher than she’d intended. Her cheeks could heat a small building.

  He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Um, you’re standing on my foot.” He moved his left foot enough for her to feel it under her boot.

  If there was ever a good moment for the rapture, this was it. Her entire body was on fire with embarrassment. “Sorry. It’s . . .” She quickly moved her foot and stepped back.

  He gave her a slow smile. Zap. That one shot down her spine. “It’s way too early to be awake, let alone here. Trust me, I get it.”

  How had she not registered his gorgeous Australian accent earlier? The sultry drawl almost took her out at the knees.