Then There Was You Page 19

  Had she gone to the bathroom? Tugging the door open, Josh strode through the lobby and ran into a cleaner exiting the ladies’ restroom.

  “Excuse me. Is there anyone in there?”

  She shook her dark head. “No, sorry.”

  His feet took him back through the front doors and onto the street. Where should he even start looking?

  His phone buzzed in his pocket. Of course! Stupid, stupid. The incoming text message was a reminder of a pending bill payment. Tapping the screen, he pulled up her details.

  “C’mon, pick up, pick up.” With every ring, his stomach twisted and wound around itself. “Please, God, please, let her pick up.”

  Voicemail. “Paige, it’s me. Where are you? Please call me.”

  A hand landed on his shoulder. “No luck?” It was Connor.

  Josh shook his head. “I . . . She . . .” He couldn’t even get the words out, didn’t even know what they would be.

  “We’ll find her. Don’t worry. You go right, I’ll go left, and if we haven’t found her in ten minutes we’ll pull more guys in to search. Kellie and a couple of others are headed back to the hotel to see if she’s there.”

  His brother-in-law’s calm suggestion helped focus his mind. “Okay.”

  Turning left, Josh started jogging. “Paige!” He hollered her name.

  Cutting down a lane, he hit Cathedral Square, where the remains of the mighty Christchurch Cathedral still dominated the landmark, even from behind a fence.

  Pausing, he scanned the rest of the area. A couple wandered through, hand in hand. A group of teenagers congregated near a tall metal sculpture. Some homeless people huddled up on benches.

  Running diagonally across the square, he hit Colombo Street. He glanced at his watch. Six minutes.

  He was choking on his own fear, his throat tightening with every second. If something happened to her . . . He couldn’t even finish the thought.

  Please God, please let her be okay.

  Jogging past the bank on the corner and crossing an intersection, he hit Cashel Street Mall. Should he keep going straight or turn?

  There were a thousand possibilities.

  God, please, show me.

  He paused, looked straight down Colombo, then turned in a full three-sixty. Looking, searching, for any clue. Something tugged him to the right. He took a couple of steps down the pedestrian mall. It had been decimated by the earthquakes, but signs of rebuilding were evident everywhere. His walk increased to a jog.

  Was that . . .

  A small figure jumped out at him, caught in the glow of a street lamp, hunched over on a wooden bench. Probably just another homeless person but . . . he took one step forward, then another.

  The head turned, to show light reflecting off long blonde hair.

  Thank you, God.

  He pulled out his phone and called Connor, not even waiting for him to say hello. “I’ve found her.”

  He hung up and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

  His relief that he had found her churned with something else. What did she think she was doing? Did she not know what could have happened to her? Just taking off like that. A few more minutes and they would have had the whole team out looking for her. Connor would have been calling the police.

  He needed to calm down. Hear her out.

  Sucking in a couple of deep breaths, he approached Paige from the side. Ten meters, then five. She didn’t give any indication that she’d heard him. At three meters, the tears streaking her cheeks pierced him.

  He stood frozen. She didn’t look physically hurt. Thank God. But the look of torment on her face had every atom in him screaming to do something. Whatever it took to make everything okay.

  She turned, and he found himself caught by her gaze. She just looked at him, blankly, almost as if she was looking through him. He looked over his shoulder. Nothing except a construction site.

  Josh crept forward, his movements slow and cautious. He kept his voice soft as he ventured the question. “Paige? Are you all right?”

  “What are you doing here?” It wasn’t said in a gosh, what a nice surprise, kind of tone.

  “What?” Shouldn’t he be the one asking that question? “You just left before the end of the show. We were worried.”

  “Sorry. You can tell them all I’m fine. I’ll see you in the morning.” Her breath misted in the air and she tugged her jacket more tightly around her.

  What kind of man did she think he was? “You cannot think I’m going to leave you here alone. It’s the middle of the night.” He took a seat on the opposite end of the bench she was sitting on.

  Her head turned toward him but most of her face was shrouded in shadow. “Josh, it’s okay. Go get some sleep. You’ve got a long flight tomorrow. I won’t be long, and the hotel isn’t far.”

  His jaw tensed. “I’m not leaving you here alone. I don’t care if you’re going to be another five minutes or five hours. I’ll sit here for as long as it takes. But I’m walking you back to the hotel when you’re ready. End of story.”

  “Fine.” Paige’s tone was neutral and he couldn’t see her face clearly enough to tell if she was annoyed or accepting.

  Burrowing himself into his jacket Josh alternated between watching Paige and keeping an eye on passing late-night revelers. He felt sick to his stomach. They were flying out in the morning. Had they pushed her beyond what she could handle? Had she had some kind of breakdown? He pulled his phone out and opened the messages. Amanda would still be awake in Sydney. She’d be able to give him some advice.

  “It used to be a bakery.” Paige’s voice broke the silence as she pushed herself to her feet and took a couple of steps.

  Josh shoved his phone back in his pocket as he stood. “I’m sorry?”

  “Behind you. It used to be a bakery.” Her voice was flat, like she was reciting facts from a guide book.

  How did she know that? Another couple of steps and he was beside her. Even in the dim light, he could see her eyes were red rimmed and puffy. “Do you need me to call someone for you?” What was her cousin’s name? It started with a K.

  Paige looked around, stepping to the side so she could see past him.

  “There was a sushi shop beside it. A clothing store on the other side.”

  He turned around, trying to see what she was describing. All that stared back at him were construction sites and temporary shops made of shipping containers.

  “You think it’s going to be the same, you know. Even though you know that it won’t be. You see the pictures on the news, but seared into your memory is how it looked those last few moments before . . .” Her voice faltered. Tears slid down her cheeks.

  He looked around. Slabs of new pavers under his feet, modern landscaping, lush green trees highlighting a rebuilt mall bordered by construction sites and new buildings. The defiant new life had sprung up from the ashes of the—Oh, no.

  “You were here?” Everything in him ached to pick her up, cradle her to his chest, and whisper comfort into her hurt. But something tugged him back, keeping him planted to his spot.

  She looked up at the outline of the buildings and pushed her hair back, biting her lip. Another tear slid down her face, dropping off her jaw and onto her jacket. “This is where my brother died.”

  This is where my brother died. Ethan. Her number one fan. Who had always watched out for his little sister, even when it wasn’t cool. Her protector. Right until the end.

  Paige stepped forward and strode toward the fence where the building used to be, pressing her palm against the metal frames.

  “We weren’t even supposed to be here. We weren’t—” A sob cut off the rest of her sentence.

  This was the third place they’d visited. They’d already been in a sushi shop and a café before walking into the bakery that used to stand here. She was jetlagged and hungry and couldn’t make the simplest of decisions, including what to have for lunch. Ethan had tolerated her indecision with his usual good humor. They’d almost wa
lked out of here too, but then she decided she needed something to drink. An extra two minutes. A stupid bottle of soda had cost her everything.

  “As we walked back out, there was a rumble and then the world started shifting.” For a second she’d thought it was a big truck driving by. Then the ground became a stormy ocean. She’d frozen like Lot’s wife and watched the building across the mall start crumbling, collapsing, bricks hurtling down on people. A woman had run, fallen, thrown her body over the toddler holding her hand.

  “Then things started raining down on me. Bricks and tiles. I heard Ethan scream at me to move. The next thing I knew, I felt his hands around my waist, picking me up off my feet and throwing me forward.”

  The roar. Years later, it still echoed in her head. Invaded her dreams. It was like nothing she’d ever heard, as if the earth had woken up and was yelling in fury. Above that, she could hear people screaming. “And when I lifted my head and looked back, there was half a building where I’d been standing.”

  The moment was etched in her memory until time ended—being sprawled on the ground looking for her brother through the dust in the air, the particles clouding her vision, choking her airways. Being certain she would see him lying nearby. But he wasn’t. She’d scrambled around on her stomach in the rubble, screaming his name, her cries swallowed by the screams of those around her. And then she’d seen, poking out from under the rubble, the tip of his Chucks.

  “I was screaming and trying to move the bricks off him but I couldn’t. There were chunks of building. They were too big. Too big.” She hadn’t even realized she’d been trying to do it with one arm, that her left arm dangled at her side. Useless.

  “There were people everywhere, crying and bleeding and screaming.” There’d been a man a few feet away, his eyes open but unseeing, his head matted with blood. The two coffees he’d been carrying sat beside his body on the ground, upright and unspilled. “I kept crying for people to help me, and I kept screaming at Ethan that we were going to get him out.”

  “These two guys came out of nowhere. Their suits were shredded and they were scratched and bleeding. I was hysterical and screaming ‘My brother’s under there! My brother’s under there!’”

  One of them had tried to tell her it was too late but Ethan’s foot had moved and they’d shifted huge pieces of concrete like it was nothing. “They managed to clear a whole lot of the stuff around him but he was pinned by two huge slabs right across his body, and I knew he wasn’t going to make it. There was blood coming out of his mouth and I was beside him, pleading with God to please not let him die, to let me take his place.”

  God, if you save him, I’ll do anything. I’ll never ask for anything ever again.

  Then his eyes had flickered and he’d looked straight at her, his gaze clear. And for a second, she thought God had answered her prayer. He tried to say something, but she was too far away to hear him above all the screaming and the sirens and the masonry still falling around them.

  “Then I got down and wedged myself in next to him and stroked his head.” Her fingers had been sticky with her blood and his. “I told him it was going to be okay, that we were going to get him out. He looked at me and his eyes were so clear, and he half-laughed, told me I had always been a terrible liar and to tell everyone he loved them. Then he was gone.” His eyelids had flickered and he’d died with a smile on his lips, like she’d told a great joke.

  There’d been something else too, the moment she had never told anyone about. The person who knew her best in the world had locked his gaze with hers as he lay dying under slabs of concrete and told her, Paige, keep living. Promise me.

  She didn’t even know what had made him say it. Until that moment, she’d lived life fearless, chasing her dreams. Did he have a divine glimpse of the future? Or somehow see her arm hanging at her side and know her dreams were finished before she did?

  He hadn’t even blinked until she’d promised him. And then she’d spent the next six years breaking that promise, stuck in a dead-end relationship and a job she hated, convinced she deserved nothing more. He would have been so mad.

  How long had she stayed there, curled up beside her dead brother? Minutes? Hours? She’d tried to wipe the blood and grime off his face. Like it would make a difference. She’d clung to his broken body, begging God to let them swap places. At some point, she’d looked at her arm and realized she was seeing her own tibia. Fought against people trying to help her. Eventually, she’d had to be sedated by medics before she would release her grip on his body.

  Paige’s sobs echoed in the dark empty mall. Arms were around her, gathering her in, holding her up. She wasn’t even sure if they were human or divine.

  I came back, Ethan. I’m sorry it took me so long. And I’m sorry I broke my promise. I’m so scared of moving on. But I’m going to do my best to make you proud.

  Paige didn’t even know when she suddenly became conscious that the embrace she was in was very human. Josh’s arms were wrapped around her. Solid like branches. They made her feel protected, safe. She hadn’t felt that in years.

  Pushing herself off his broad chest, she took a second to reorient herself. Even in the dim light, she could see that she’d soaked his shirt with her snot, makeup, and tears. How humiliating.

  “Sorry.”

  “What for?” His voice was low and gravelly.

  She gestured at his T-shirt. “I’ve probably ruined your shirt.”

  Josh didn’t even glance down at the damage. “I consider it an honor.”

  She looked up at him. His profile was even more rugged in the moonlight. Her breath caught. A surge of warmth flooded over her.

  Josh had found her. In the moment when she thought she needed to be alone, God not only knew she didn’t, but knew who to send.

  She stared up at him. He gazed back, then lifted a hand to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, his finger grazing a trail of fire down her neck on its way back down.

  “Paige.” His fingers settled on the back of her neck.

  She couldn’t breathe.

  He blinked. A frown flickered on his forehead. His hand fell away.

  “Yes?” She knew the moment was gone, but grasped desperately to bring it back.

  “Um . . .” He pressed his lips together and took a step back. Cold air rushed in the space left between them. “I’m really sorry about what happened to your brother.”

  She stared at him. That was it? That was the best he could come up with?

  But there was nothing he could have said that would have made the moment okay when every cell in her body ached for him to kiss her.

  She swallowed the suffocating feeling of disappointment. He didn’t get it. Josh Tyler wouldn’t know anything about regret so deep you felt you were drowning in it. He was perfect, with his perfect family and perfect faith and perfect life.

  The idea of a them was so wrong in so many ways. She didn’t want this. Him. He was uber-Christian Josh Tyler. She hadn’t been joking the day at the food court that she’d told him his life was her worst nightmare. Scrutiny. A life on the road. Constant change. So many expectations.

  She yearned for order and stability. Predictability and a white picket fence.

  So why had she almost given into the overwhelming desire to wrap her fingers across his neck and kiss him senseless?

  Space. She needed space.

  She turned and walked away, her footsteps echoing across the pavement. She was so stupid. Why did she let her guard down? Things had been so much easier when she’d thought he was an arrogant jerk.

  She blew a breath out, watching it mist in front of her face and then waft away.

  “Are you okay?”

  She could feel him behind her, only feet away. She turned, focusing on the top of a building over his left shoulder. “Fine. Just give me a couple of minutes. Then we should head back.”

  Stepping around him, she returned to the spot where Ethan had given up his life for hers. Crouching down, she fanned her fingers ac
ross the stones and closed her eyes.

  Big brother, I miss you. Every second of every day. But I can’t keep living like this anymore. I want to keep my promise.

  Josh had given her space until he couldn’t bear it anymore, until the magnitude of her loss left him feeling as though he couldn’t breathe.

  He’d tucked her into the crook of his shoulder and stroked her hair as she cried. All he wanted to do was protect her, forever. The realization had struck him to his core. Somewhere in the middle of clashing against each other like mismatched cymbals and growing a friendship, he had fallen hard.

  And now he’d ruined it.

  Their short walk back to the hotel was silent. Both had their hands stuffed in their pockets, and a mountain of unspoken words between them.

  He’d wanted so badly to kiss her. But the sane part of him prevailed. What kind of guy laid one on a girl when she’d just confessed the world’s most traumatic experience? A girl he wasn’t even dating?

  It would have been the most selfish action imaginable, taking advantage of Paige when she was emotionally stripped bare.

  Still, he’d failed. He may not have kissed her, but he had been useless at providing any sort of comfort. I’m sorry about your brother. What was that? Her brother had been crushed to death in front of her and the best Josh had managed to come up with was a stiff platitude like her cat had died?

  No wonder steam had almost emanated off her as she stalked away.

  They reached the hotel, the door sliding open and welcoming them into the warm lobby. Paige turned, her hands still jammed in her jacket. “Thanks for coming to find me. I’m sorry if people were worried.”

  “Paige, I’m really sorry.” He tried to tell her with his eyes he wasn’t talking about her brother this time.

  She studied him, her head tilted, then uttered a sigh. “It’s okay. Really it is.” She dropped a self-deprecating laugh. “I mean look at you. You’re Josh Tyler. The Perfect Man of God. I doubt you’ve done anything worth losing sleep over since the last millennium.”

  That was what she thought? That he’d never stuffed up so big his whole world had been broken?